The Journey - Part 20

A lot of good has happened this week!

• I am consistently eating real food! It may be just a few tablespoonfuls a day, but it’s increasing, along with increased energy. My salty taste buds are returning, and I can sense a bit of sweet periodically. Mouth sores and sensitivity continue to be a battle, so I am limited on what I can eat, but it’s a start!
• I am completely off my medications! Pain, nausea, acid, and sleeping pills. My sleep habits are still a little out of whack, but whenever I wake up it’s a good reminder to pray. Many of you have been prayed for at 3 a.m. between sips of “Sleepy Time” tea.
• I was able to attend church service this morning. I have missed my amazing church family and worshipping with them. It felt good to be home!
• I plan to ease back into my job this week part-time. It’s time. I’m ready.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers. As always, I am ever grateful.

Back to His Purpose

I hope you remember my friend “E” I mentioned in some earlier posts. I hadn’t heard from him in quite some time and out of the blue, “E” texted my friend “T” asking about me. This might not seem too significant except that he had never initiated contact with my friend “T”—it had always been her contacting him first. So this was huge that he would contact her…and specifically ask about me. It wasn’t surprising that for several days God kept putting “E’s” name on my heart. So after his hearing of his text, I knew it was time to contact him. Once again I prayed for direction and discernment.

Because of mouth sores, forming certain words is still a battle, so I decided to text “E”. God gave me the exact words to say, and within five minutes I had a welcoming response from him! I am positive that God desperately desires a relationship with “E”—this man that openly rejects the cross and the gift of salvation. Even in his lost state, clearly, God still adores him.

I know I shouldn’t be surprised at what God is doing, but seeing His hand in all of this is simply amazing to me. And I am extremely humbled to be a part of God’s plan. I covet your prayers as God leads me to boldly minister Christ.

But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. –2 Corinthians 2:14

The Journey - Part 19

Giving Thanks!

Thanksgiving has come and gone, but I have much to be thankful for:

• My neck burns from the radiation have made significant progress in healing.
• I’ve been able to eat some “real food” this week, i.e., vegetable soup—only a couple of tablespoonfuls, but I’ll take it. I was so excited to achieve eating, that I popped an M&M in my mouth to celebrate and instantly got a bitter cocoa taste. An abrupt reminder that my sweet taste buds are nil. Baby steps.
• Along with healing on my neck, swallowing has become easier so I know internally the healing is taking place, as well. Yay!
• Energy levels are increasing and medications are decreasing. Down to one nap a day!
• My hair is growing back! I’ve been pondering the question “When is the right time to stop coloring your hair?” (Confession time: Yup, I do.) The time in NOW! So unless some of my natural auburn decides to make an appearance anytime soon, the next time you see my head it will be sporting the ever so popular “salt and pepper” look. It’s growing fast. Not to brag, but you should see my leg hair.
• I’m excited and thankful to be able to attend our annual Hanging of the Greens service tonight at church—one of my favorite services. I haven’t been able to go to church in weeks so this will be quite the treat! 

God continues to be gracious and His blessings never cease. I pray that in the midst of our beautiful relationship with Him we will always acknowledge and embrace His goodness. God is good, all the time. Happy Giving Thanks!

The Journey - Part 18

Thank you for your wonderful prayers this week. My neck is still in healing mode, but doing much better. I’ve had several good days and am certain it is because of all my faithful praying friends. My next goal is to begin eating by mouth—yogurt is on the Thanksgiving menu this week. With a swollen throat, it is still very difficult to swallow, so I appreciate your prayers as I attempt to move forward. This will thrill my mom to pieces as she is certain I am not eating enough to keep a bird alive. I assure her I am…but you know how moms are. She has given up on me eating liver, but has replaced that with the magical healing power of spinach juice. I don’t know where she gets these ideas…pray for me. Ha-Ha.

Special Friendships and Special Reminders

I had a wonderful visit from a dear friend recently. She ministered to me in a way I didn’t even know I needed. In her tears, she kept telling me how strong I was throughout my cancer journey. All I could reply was, “It’s not me. I am not a strong person. You are seeing someone that has no strength—God is carrying me. It’s ALL God.”

Now before you think I’m some goody-goody God glorifier, let me be the first to spill the beans. Sometimes in my humanness my thoughts can quickly turn inward and selfish. I can easily rationalize that I’m a good person, and struggle with questions like “Why doesn’t cancer happen to mass-murderers, godless people, etc.?” (It does, but this is my feeble brain talking here.)

And you know what God says? My Almighty God who sits on the throne of eternity hears my troubled cries and gently whispers, “Jacque, I chose you because I knew you would glorify me through all of this.”

In His soothing whisper, my Heavenly Father once again tenderly drew me to Himself reminding me why I am here on earth: To glorify Him. Period.

Thank you, God, for special friendships and relationships. Thank you for your strength when mine fails. Thank you for journeys that glorify You.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 17

Moving Forward

November 2013

When doing a load of laundry recently (which is a rarity for me at the moment), I noticed most of the clothing consisted of my pajamas. That gives you a glimpse of my fashion sense these days. Actually, I did get dressed to go to my treatments each morning, but would quickly fall back into my comfy pjs when I got home. Extreme exhaustion has overtaken me like the plague. I struggle with feeling like a helpless lazy lug, desperately wanting to do something—other than lay in bed for hours at a time—and coming to grips that it’s just another part of the journey. Patience…it’s hard some days. But God in His ever-present gentleness continues to draw me to Himself and reminds me to wait on Him.

Radiation treatments continued on as scheduled and the doctors had nothing but praise for my positive attitude and progress. I counted down the days, along with many of you on Facebook, and surprisingly they seemed to clip right along. My final treatment was celebrated on November 13—you can bet I have that highlighted on my calendar!

The doctors and nurses cautioned me not to get too excited too soon, as I’ll have to allow for healing time…possibly up to a couple of months. The goal is to begin eating soft foods by mouth within a couple of weeks. I’m hoping my taste buds will kick in, as well, as I’ve been promised some delicious guacamole from my good friend, Kelly, and I certainly don’t want the taste of bitter cardboard getting in the way of one of my favorite foods. (My mom, Dr. Shirley, is ready to stuff a turkey leg down my tube and can’t wait for the day she can feed me again—eek!) When I get to the point of eating full solid meals, I will finally get my feeding tube removed. I have been looking forward to that day for a long time—hey, I’m a stomach sleeper! For those of you who find their sleeping comfort in a similar position, you sympathize with me, I’m sure.

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.” Psalm 3:5

If I could ask one prayer request from my warriors this week it would be for healing of the burns on my neck from the radiation/chemo treatments. It began as acne-like blisters and now, although better, is still an annoyance. Each morning and evening, as directed by my doctor, I gently exfoliate my skin, which burns like crazy, and apply cool damp rags followed with a thin layer of Vaseline. (Thank you, Marshall!) It has helped, but is still very painful as my new skin is tight, making if difficult to move freely. I know it’s just another part of the process and will take patience on my part. Thank you so much for your prayers! You are a blessing in so many ways.

The Journey - Part 16

Complaining Much?

October 2013

Week one of radiation went without a hitch. It was midway into week two when I began to experience some changes. My mouth and gums began to get tender, making it difficult to eat solid foods. My diet quickly changed to softer choices—pastas, soups and such. I also began to notice my appetite decreasing because my taste buds were pretty much gone. Everything began to taste like bitter cardboard—that’s the closest thing I can compare it to. Food sounded and looked good, but the thought of putting it in my mouth instantly took away any appetite I may have had. By week three I found myself totally reliant on my feeding tube.

It’s not as bad as it sounds. Eating is a cinch—and since I literally have no appetite, I don’t taste anything going in. And I get the nutrition needed. Because of increased mouth sores and an intense sore throat with swelling, the only thing I drink is water—and that can be difficult at times. My doctors make me promise to swallow at least seven times a day so I don’t lose my swallowing muscle function. Who knew that could happen?—But I guess it can. So I force myself to sip water throughout the day. Anything other than water burns like the dickens. I found that out by accident earlier in the game by sipping on an orange soda—whoa, Nellie, did it ever burn! So for now, this gal is strictly on plain water. I’ve also lost my saliva production, so dry mouth is also an added challenge.

Oh, and did I forget to mention the return of acne? It began on my face for a few days and then miraculously disappeared as fast as it came. A few days later, I awoke with a mass of intense acne blisters surrounding my upper chest/neck—front and back—burning and itching like crazy. It’s lovely. I can thank my chemo drug for that. My new best friend is cortisone…not that it helps much…but it’s what the doctor ordered. Oh the joys. I really have to laugh—or cry—I think I’ve done both. Yup, pretty much.

So…mouth sores, sore throat, feeding tube, acne, dry mouth, dry skin…does it sound like I’m complaining? I’m trying not to—just keeping it real. God has complete control of this journey of mine. I’m just the messenger sharing with all of you how my God of relationships continues to carry me. He really is. I truly have much to be thankful for.

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who sustains you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.  –Isaiah 46:4

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 15

As I was driving to one of my radiation treatments last week, I felt compelled to share something God brought to my mind.

In the book of Acts, Stephen (a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit, specifically chosen by the disciples to minister to the neglected widows) boldly spoke truth to his enemies, the Sanhedrin, as they were about to stone him to death.

“When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God.” Acts 7:54-55

I had always overlooked one small, but very powerful word in this scripture. It was brought to my attention from a previous bible study I had done several years ago. The word is “standing.” I had always pictured Jesus sitting at the right hand of God, but in this instance, He was standing. As Stephen was preparing to meet his death, he looked expectantly to the heavens. And maybe as his eyes met the compassionate eyes of Jesus, it was possible at that very moment Compassion slowly stood with a burning stance--His eyes never leaving the draw of Stephen's. I can envision Jesus intently leaning into the side of God pleading, “Father, let me go and fight for him! Just say the word!”

I’d like to think that as my Jesus of compassion looks down from heaven, He still stands passionately by God’s right hand and pleads for me during my difficult times saying, “Father, let me go and fight for her! Just say the word!”

God does say the word—and has many times.

He said “Go” to many of you when I could barely get dressed each morning and needed help getting to my chemo treatments each week.

He said “Go” to my church family when meals were lovingly planned and brought to our home each week.

He said “Go” and friends would gather in our home to pray over me during difficult parts of my journey.

He said “Go” and I would receive an encouraging card in the mail, a special text, Facebook message or phone call that gave me hope to carry on.

All God had to say was “Go” and many of you were ready and willing to fight, pray and go. You are a huge part of my testimony and I am forever grateful.

I am counting down the days of my radiation treatments—as are many of you, as I’ve noticed your wonderful support on Facebook (you crazy, awesome friends). As of today, I have endured 28 prayerful days of radiation with only 7 remaining! It has gone fast—honestly! I can only attribute it to being bathed in prayer by you, my faithful prayer warriors.

So with that said, let me continue on and catch you up on my journey.

Radiation—The Next Step

September 2013

Nothing can really prepare you for the unknown—totally. I read books, asked questions, and studied brochures until quite honestly, I didn’t want to hear all the horror stories of what “could happen” any longer. I decided this was going to be another “one day at a time” journeys in faith—as it should be.

In a previous post I shared about my radiation mask experience and how I wasn’t prepared for the claustrophobic shock it gave me. I quickly realized it was important to gather a game plan and decided to commit the 20 minutes of radiation to prayer time. It’s actually quite peaceful. There are some days I don’t get through my “prayer list” and wish I had an extra 10 minutes or so on the radiation altar. But that doesn’t limit my prayer time with God. I am constantly talking to Him about many of you.

Unlike chemotherapy, the radiation process does not make me nauseous. Even though I have a chemo treatment every Wednesday during the radiation schedule, it is a different drug, and much more forgiving—thank you, Jesus! By now, my appetite has increased to normal and I eat pretty much what I’m hungry for. The plan is to “beef up”—as my doctors have promised much change is coming down the road.

“Father, let me go and fight for her! Just say the word!”

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 14

This past week I gave up my day job for awhile. It was a difficult decision for several reasons: It gave me a reason to get dressed every day. It allowed me to be around people that I love seeing. And it kept me active, thinking about others instead of myself. Cancer can be quite self-absorbing if you let it. And I have at times. Through the process of radiation, I get tired a lot easier and I think God was saying “Take care of yourself.” So please excuse me in the FBC office for a season as I do just so. J

Stick a Fork in It…I’m Done!

August 2013

I’m happy to report I have completed my official full nine week round of chemotherapy! Just when I thought I’d get a trophy, or something worthy of bragging rights, the medical team reminded me of the second part of the process. “You get a hiatus of about a month, then gear up for round 2: Seven weeks of Radiation with Chemo.” Oh joy.

I can honestly say this journey of cancer has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Just when I would throw in the towel (believe me I did, more times than I care to admit), God, in His infinite mercy would prompt some amazing person to send me a text, email or card in the mail for encouragement. I can’t tell you how many times I bawled like a baby reading a comforting scripture, listening to the perfect song or receiving some inspiration from friends like you to lift my spirits. How people go through something like this without the power of praying people is beyond me. God has permanently etched more compassion in my heart, and I’ve already had opportunities to express empathy toward others.

It truly is all about relationships.

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 13

I am now a full-time stomach tube eater! And truthfully, it’s been easier than I thought it would be. I don’t know if my brain has taken over my food cravings…or God—I’m trusting that it’s God. Certain foods smell and look good, but with intense mouth and throat sores along with dry mouth being the norm this week—the thought of putting anything besides water in my mouth repels me. Swallowing water has even been difficult. I’ve also developed an itchy rash across my upper chest…it’s just lovely (insert sarcasm here). I don’t know if the rash is a normal thing, so the doctor and I will have words at my appointment tomorrow.

Please do not mistake this as a pity party—it’s not. I’ve had a few of those already, and decided they’re not as fulfilling as they claim to be. As always, God continues to reveal His marvelous love by carrying me each step of the way.

Hey, I only have 17 days left of treatment—Praise God for His faithfulness and YOU!

Second Verse—Not the Same as the First

Week 2 of chemo treatments came and thankfully we had a better game plan. Nausea medication was administered every 6 hours around the clock regardless. It helped through day 3 and then the dreaded nausea/vomiting set in once again. I was determined to stay out of the hospital and forced myself to sip any kind of fluids my stomach would allow. I was also blessed to have my sister from Arizona with me during the week and she made sure my stomach tube was put into action…whether I wanted it or not.

Being fed through a stomach tube is interesting. Even though you can’t taste what you’re ingesting, you feel it there. And your stomach still has the option to accept or reject the feeding. Although difficult at times, it was mostly accepted. In hindsight, thanks Becci…you make a great nurse!

By Saturday, I could see the light…God had carried me through the dark tunnel once again. Thank you, Jesus! I had one more week down, which encouraged me to continue to plod forward.

I read something recently saying “God’s strength is enough. But you have to get to the end of yours to learn that.” That spoke volumes to me. I’m trying to relinquish my “strength” more willingly because I know there is no comparison to God’s. Some days it’s hard. I forget, get distracted or most often, lose my focus of my relationship with Him. Sometimes I envision God sitting with his head in his hands wondering if I’ll EVER get it. But praise God, He is always faithful to draw me back into the comforting shadow of His wings.

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.—Psalm 17:8

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 12

Update: Radiation is in full swing and I’m happy to report I’ve completed over 1/3 of my 35 treatments! Yeah! Some of the side effects are beginning to make their ugly appearances…mouth sores, loss of taste and appetite. I think the hardest thing I’m dealing with is the loss of taste. Everything that may look and sound delicious instantly turns to a bitter cardboard taste when I put it in my mouth. Blech! It’s a mental challenge to eat…such a foreign concept to me…and hard to fully explain. And I am now to the point of utilizing my stomach tube more often than not. I never realized how important every detail of God’s design in us was. Even to the point of a mere taste bud.

But…I am encouraged! My doctor says I am doing fantastic, and keeping a positive attitude is a huge part of the battle. I am grateful for all of you that are journeying with me. I find peace knowing I am not alone. God, you and me. Thank you.

Cancer is Not for Sissies. They Weren’t Kidding.

What happened in the days following my diagnosis were mostly a blur. Numerous doctor visits, blood work, procedures and scans. We were inundated with a lot of foreign medical jargon…some sunk in, most didn’t. Bottom line: Chemotherapy and radiation treatments would be necessary. “The cancer is aggressive and so will the treatments”—the strongest of medications would be administered.

After a successful portacath surgery the week before, my chemo treatments began on Monday, July 15, 2013 at 8:30 a.m. in Winfield, Kansas. The plan was to make the daily trek, Monday through Friday for one week of treatment—get two weeks off to rest—another week of chemo—two weeks off—then one final round. I was also “hooked up” with a pump that allowed the drugs to be dispensed into my system 24/7 during my treatment weeks. An awkward adjustment to carry around and sleep with, but I made it work. A radiation/chemo treatment combo would follow later.

As week one began, the nurses gave me all of the paperwork explaining procedures, expectations, etc. They got me comfortable in “the chair”, hooked me up and so it began. Each treatment took about 4 hours a day. By the end of day 2 of chemo, my nausea overtook my appetite like an out of control riverbed swelling at its banks. It raged viciously with nausea and vomiting, rendering me sorely dehydrated. I couldn’t make myself eat or drink anything. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sleep—hoping the pain and nausea would subside. It didn’t. By the end of the week while vomiting in my “chemo chair”, the nurses called my doctor and he fixed me up with a two night hospital stay getting the much needed IV fluids to get me back on track. Thank you, Jesus—finally, some relief! It was then I realized why they have the two week hiatus between treatments. I had to learn the hard way—of course.

Since my first week of treatments had gone so badly, the doctors decided it was wise to have a stomach tube inserted to make certain proper nutrition could be better administered if needed. I was told earlier by my doctors this would probably be needed “down the road”—most likely during radiation treatments. It became obvious, the sooner the better for me. Before I left my 3-day hospital stay on Sunday, I was scheduled the following day for the outpatient procedure. The surgery to insert the stomach tube went well—and by the end of the week I slowly began to get my strength back with a gradual increase in appetite. When I would get discouraged about being tired, my daughter would remind me, “Mom, you’ve had 2 outpatient surgeries, 1 full week of chemo and a 3-day hospital stay all within a week and a half. It’s going to take time.” She was right, of course.

Throughout this week of hardships, I was reminded of Job and his sufferings. In all of his trials, he refused to stop fighting for his life. He refused to stop being faithful. He refused to stop believing God loved him. Job made a choice to continue trusting in God.  He had a relationship that was worth fighting for—one that was faithful—loving—and trustworthy. It was all about the relationship. Father God, I will rest in You.

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 11

Trust and Obey - There’s No Other Way

It was June of 2013, and along with many others, I suffered the dreaded allergy plague. After battling a persistent sore throat, I finally caved and went to the doctor for the usual strep test. It was, of course, negative—so with a slightly swollen gland, I was prescribed an antibiotic and sent on my way. After several days, I felt much better, but my gland remained swollen. A week later, I had my usual monthly follow-up appointment with my cancer doctor. After a quick examination, he expressed concern in finding a lump in my right neck gland. A needle biopsy and CT scan were scheduled as soon as possible.

I decided if I had to go to Wichita for a biopsy, the entire day should not be wasted. It’s the law. So the trip of gloom was turned into a mother/daughter day—my mom, myself and my daughter—a three generation affair. We enjoyed a nice lunch and successfully swimsuit shopped at Kohls. Last stop planned, of course, was the doctor’s office. Our waiting room stay was short, and before long we were all ushered into the all-too-familiar little room to await the doctor. Almost immediately he entered with his usual handshake and pleasant introductions ready to proceed. Before he began the biopsy, I asked, “Doctor, do you believe in the power of prayer?” Without hesitation he stated, “Yes, I most certainly do. Prayer is very powerful.” “Good" I said—"because I’ve got a lot of people praying for me right now.” With that assurance, I tilted my head past the doctor to wink at my mom and daughter and said, “Let’s do this!” Everything went smoothly as planned, and before we knew it, we were out the door and on our way home.

****************

The day before my biopsy follow-up appointment, I awoke at 2:48 a.m. early Monday morning. I heard God whisper, “It’s back.” My heart replied, “Really? What do you want me to do?” And God said, “Trust Me.”

The next day, the doctor’s tests confirmed what God had already told me—my cancer had returned.

To truly know the journey, you have to experience it for yourself. Let me honestly say, I thank God almost every day for the path He has me on right now. In the midst of my struggles, tears and pain, my Savior continues to draw me to Himself—every single time without fail. He has given me a heart of compassion and empathy that surpasses all understanding while increasing my level of trust and faith beyond description.
Do I like having cancer? No.
Do I enjoy daily struggles? No.
Do I find unexplainable rest and peace as I am continually drawn into the arms of my loving Savior? Yes!
Who else can do that but our Almighty God?

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 10

I began my first of 35 radiation treatments last Wednesday—so far, so good. The expected side effects have not reared their ugly heads as of yet. And the once-a-week chemo treatments have fared well, with only mild uneasiness periodically. Nausea medications along with keeping my stomach fuelled have been tremendously effective.

This is a picture of my “mask” that I wear during the radiation treatment.

The first time they put it on me, honestly, it totally freaked me out. I repeatedly breathed the name of Jesus (reverently, of course) at least 50 times to calm down. I’m not normally claustrophobic, but this feeling of entrapment overwhelmingly caught me by surprise. The mask is a plastic web-like mold of my face. During treatments, my “spidey mask”, as I call it, is clamped tight to the table, preventing me from moving during the radiation process. I quickly realized I needed a “game plan” if I was going to be able to get through the 15 minutes of daily confinement. And of course, God, in His goodness supplied the plan. So each weekday morning at 8:45am, while strapped to the radiation altar, I approach God’s throne with my prayer petitions and offer my altar of praise for many of you. Be blessed, my friends. You are adored.

Second Chances Face-To-Faith

Mid spring of 2013, I received a text from my friend “T” saying her relative “E” would be coming to Ark City for the weekend. She said “no pressure”, but if I felt led to stop by her home, to please do so anytime. This would be my chance to finally meet “E” face-to-face and continue to sow that small seed of opportunity. God wasn’t finished with “E”, and strangely, I knew I was somehow to be a part of His plan. I immediately began to think about what I would say and how our conversation might go. I even quickly scanned my EE tract for a quick recall of bible salvation verses—and then fear set in. I’ve already spoken to him…what more can I say? What will we talk about?—I don’t want this to be awkward. Seriously God, is this really what you want me to do? The enemy had me right where he wanted…doubting, fearful and thinking about me, myself and I. So once again God had to remind me, “It’s not about you, Jacque. It’s about a relationship. I’m asking you to be obedient. Just go.” And so I did.

On my way to “T’s” home, I decided to stop and get my girlfriend a batch of fresh flowers—not only as a friendly gesture, but to draw away any suspicion to my out-of-the-blue “drop-in” visit, if needed. (Silly, I know, but I think of these kinds of things.) “T” greeted me at her door with a huge smile. She had no idea if I was coming, but I could tell she was more than delighted to see me. We immediately went to the kitchen where the family was having supper. The introductions began. First “E”—we exchanged hellos and politely shook hands—a little awkward. Then I turned to his parents who were also visiting. I was immediately embraced warmly by them, saying how happy they were to meet me and that they’d been praying for me. Now mind you, I’d never met them before—but from the outpouring of joy on their faces, honestly, you would have thought we were family. I immediately wondered what “E” was thinking while observing of all of the warm introductions. (Again, some of the oddities I think of.)

After the family finished dinner, the guys went outside for their “man time” while the ladies stayed inside for clean up duty. “T” and I had a nice visit and before long I felt it was time to leave—but not before seeing “E” one last time. God had given me this opportunity…and I still had words!

“T” and I went outside, and as we approached the group I began to tell “E” once again, how happy it was to have finally met him. There was only a slight pause in the conversation, when all of a sudden “E” began to talk. He began sharing some of his past treatment experiences, hurdles he had overcome and the future ahead. It warmed my heart to hear him talk so openly. I knew God was right there—and I just listened, waiting and praying for another divine appointment. The moments passed, conversation slowed, and I sensed the door of opportunity closing all too quickly. As I silently prayed for the right words to say, I ended our visit by saying once again, how strong my faith in God was—how He’d brought me through a very successful surgery and continues to strengthen me on the road to recovery. I also said I admired "E's" strength and honesty and would be praying for him during his journey of recovery--and hope we’d meet again someday. He actually thanked me this time! In some strange way, I felt we had bonded.

As I turned to leave, I prayed in my heart that God wouldn’t give up on “E”. God said, “Just go.” So I did. And through that, I had a second chance to share my relationship with God to a man that so desperately needs a Savior—finally, face to faith.

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 9

I devoted my entire weekend playing with my grandsons. We went to the park and played hard. I watched them run and kick footballs with their daddy and grandpa, saw the excitement in their eyes as “Shrek the kite” flew high and low in the sky, ate ice cream cones behind mom and dad’s backs, watched movies snuggled in bed and loved on the cats...which they both adore. (The cats adore all the “loving” from the grandsons? Hmmm…not so much…but they’re good kitty sports.) Such a great weekend! God is amazing. Can I say that again? God is amazing! I will never be able to thank Him enough for all He has done for me.

This week I begin the radiation process of my journey. Wednesday is the big day, so prayers are appreciated. I’ve got my trust and faith bar set high and God is there—no doubt in my mind. God is good—all the time! He’s got this…and me.

A Year of Celebrations and New Beginnings

Since my surgery was on October 17, that left a 3-week recovery window for me before our daughter, Lindsay and future son-in-law, Matt’s wedding. Before the surgery, my doctor assured me I would be at the wedding. He just couldn’t promise how involved I would be. Our entire family had enjoyed each step of the wedding planning for months, and in an instant, cancer was seemingly trying to steal our joy in the last bit of crucial wedding preparations. But through the incredible outpouring of love and help of many, many wonderful friends, the wedding went on without fail. It was an absolute answer to prayer and beautiful beyond what we could’ve imagined. We will never be able to fully thank our friends for how they blessed our family with their countless acts of kindness. It was a beautiful celebration of new beginnings—in more ways than one.

The year 2012 was full of memories. We added a precious grandson, celebrated a beautiful wedding and endured cancer. A lot of good, some bad—but with our merciful God, we got through it. So all-in-all, life in the Ramirez household began to settle in as normal once again.

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.”
–Ecclesiastes 3:1

To be continued…



Me and my boys, Isaac and Noah...love them!



The Journey - Part 8

This week brought back some normalcy. I was able to get back in the saddle at FBC for a few half days during the week and even take a weekend road trip to Stillwater, OK to visit family. It felt SO good! And thanks to Frankie for filling in for me all these weeks at FBC. She has been an absolute jewel for taking care of everything—and doing a great job!

I’ll be starting a “loading” day of chemo this coming Wednesday—and the following Wednesday my seven weeks of radiation will begin—in addition to chemo once a week.

A lot of unknowns with this next round of treatment…but I do know…
He knows the plans
He knows my sorrows
He carries me
He rescued my soul
He is faithful
He is…and so much more.

Lord, let me never, never outlive my love for you.

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News…

Well, the day for surgery, October 17, 2012 had arrived. My bags were packed and ready to go. I was prayed up and knew without a doubt my intercessors were along side of me. I felt the peace that so many experienced and testified about. Pastors Dave and Steve met us at the hospital in Wichita for prayer right before they wheeled me into the pre-op room. The “operating team” individually came in, explained procedures and asked if I had any questions. I had a few before they gave me my “cocktail”, as the nurse called it—and then I was out. The next thing I remember, I was in my hospital bed surrounded by smiling family. Someone told me I woke up talking—with my first words: “I love you” and “God is good.” Although I don’t remember saying anything, I was relieved it wasn’t something crazy or embarrassing like some stories you hear. And actually, I wasn’t even guaranteed I would be able to talk. So that was a definite praise!

I was told the surgery went well. The doctor was able to remove the entire tumor (about the size of a penny), but did cut through some of the margins. After the tests revealed the margin was not in the “clear range”, he went back and removed a little more. During the surgery process, they were able to “re-shape” my tongue, so besides the stitches and swelling, it actually looked quite normal. All-in-all, the doctor reported to my family he felt very confident with the surgery outcome and everything went well.

The next couple of days were a blur. I was told a retired priest stopped by my room playing “The Theme of the Godfather” on his accordion for my enjoyment. At that point I was on morphine, and sorry to report, I don’t recall any of it—although, it would’ve been a hoot to hear. Just the thought made me giggle. Eating was somewhat of a challenge with a swollen tongue, but on day four they finally decided they’d had enough of me and gave me the boot. Still heavily medicated, I vaguely remember the ride home. But thankfully, I was in no pain.

A couple of days, later my doctor called with good news. All of the lymph nodes they removed from my neck dissection—all 48 of them—were cancer free. In other words, the cancer that was removed was contained and did not spread. We were elated, to say the least.

During my post-op visit, Doctor further explained the “safe margins rule” in removing the tumor and its significance. Because the margins were cut into, he wanted me to get second opinions from radiation and chemotherapy doctors—to see if they felt further treatments were necessary. So…more doctor appointments and visits were made. Finally after seeing the last doctor, they all three conferred: no further treatments would be necessary. The weight lifted from my entire body at that moment was indescribable. We celebrated at Longhorn’s Steakhouse where I was able to eat a delicious bowl of macaroni and cheese. It never tasted so good!

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 7

Bounce Back Week!

I wasn’t expecting a lesson on patience this week, but obviously God thought I needed one. My returning appetite was slow and sporadic, which was very discouraging. My head said “eat” while my stomach could care less. I quickly learned that if anything sounded good in the moment, I’d better eat immediately, because the craving would leave as fast as it came. Thank goodness for 3:00 a.m. watermelon binges, popsicle frenzies and chicken soup made by my fabulous sister-in-law, Suzanne. They sustained my weary innards.

I also am learning that every day is a new day with this cancer thing. Emotions go nuts. You feel tired, unproductive and, yes, as much as I hate to admit it...irritable. I even snapped at my diva cat, Suki, one day. She forgave me after some self-indulged sulking – on my part. I’m like that…sometimes.

But thank goodness for a faithful God and answered prayers. My strength is returning, and with God and my prayer warriors I’m “womaning” up for the next battle coming within the next couple of weeks! So grab your sword and shield and let’s do this.

I’m Coming Back to the Heart of Worship,
And It’s All About You, It’s All About You, Lord.

If you’re wondering about my singing status, let me share with you how God transformed my heart from what I thought was important, into a restored affection toward Him.

As I shared in an earlier post, as long as I can remember music was a huge part of my life. So much so, I realized I had let music define who I was. God created me for the sole purpose of glorifying Him and He knew if my relationship wasn’t right with Him, my heart would most likely become bitter when cancer literally stole the ability to sing from me. I believe He was preparing me ahead of time—way before the cancer began, to give me the opportunity to let go on my own what I thought was important. I’m not going to lie, it was very difficult. Each Sunday, instead of being on stage helping lead, I would sing with the congregation, quietly filling in that missing harmony part that I thought was so desperately needed. People would constantly say, “Why aren’t you singing anymore?” “We sure miss you up there!” “You should be up there with your daughter singing!” It was hard because I really didn’t have an answer. I only knew God had asked me to step down.

Months went by, but eventually by God’s grace, I can tell you He literally took the desire to “need to sing” from me. My love of true worship had returned--refreshed and renewed. God changed my heart to honor Him long before the cancer had a chance to destroy my relationship with Him! There are no words to humanly explain how that happened, but I do know that I am in awe of my Creator and how He orchestrated all of this beforehand. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to sing like I had before, and honestly, that’s okay. God transformed my desire of the need to sing and restored it with a love for a need to worship—just me and God—solidifying that relationship thing once again.

“I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.” Psalm 104:33

To be continued…

Below is a link to a slideshow that my daughter, Lindsay made of me. Some of my incredible friends (pictured below, as well) showered me with a "Bling it up from Head to Lobe" party. This was my "thank you" to them, showcasing the awesome hats, jewelry, scarves, etc...but I extend it to all of you, as well, for all of your prayers. Friendship truly is a blessing!

 

Friendship is a Blessing

The Journey - Part 6

I reached a milestone this week. These past seven weeks, three rounds of chemo chemicals invaded my body like a wild banshee and I’m relieved to have it all behind me. My sweet care-giving nurses said “This isn’t for sissies” and I’m here to tell you, they were right! One full round of treatment down with seven weeks of radiation/chemo to follow within the next few weeks. Your prayers have covered me, carried me and blessed me beyond words. Again, I thank you.

I received a wonderful card in the mail this week that I read and re-read. “Jehovah-Jireh: PROVIDER, Jehovah-Nissi: BATTLE FIGHTER, Jehovah-Shalom: GIVER OF PEACE, Jehovah-Rophe: HEALER, Jehovah-Tsidkenn: OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS, Jehovah-Shammah: EVER PRESENT ONE, Jehovah-Rohi: GOOD SHEPHERD. God is your STRENGTH, FRIEND, WISDOM, HOPE, SECURITY, GUIDE, JOY, PROVIDER, HELP, DEFENDER, PEACE, COUNSELOR, LIFE. All that He is, He is for you.” Thank you, Marilynn, if you’re reading this. It gave me strength and wonderful encouragement during the battle.

I guess if I have a specific prayer request this week, it would be to regain my appetite. I never knew how hard it would be to force myself to eat. I still battle some nausea, and have lost a lot of my taste senses, so that makes it even harder to enjoy anything worthwhile. It’s not easy bein’ green. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

 

Draw me close to You
Never let me go…

When “E” answered the phone I quickly introduced myself, and was pleased that he had remembered my name from “T’s” conversation with him. Basically our 30 minute chat focused on his treatments, health concerns and daily ups and downs. Mainly he talked and I listened—which worked as a great balance in concealing my nervousness.

But all too soon, I felt the conversation was coming to an end, and I hadn’t yet had “the spiritual talk” I had so deeply desired to communicate. So finally I said, “You know “E”, I’m so happy that your treatments are going well for you. But I want you to know my faith in God is strong and I’ve already prayed about my decision to have the surgery. I have complete peace that God is leading me in this direction. Is there anything I can pray for, for you?” “E’s” immediate response was, “No, don’t worry about me. You just take care of yourself and get better.” That was pretty much it. I felt I had said what God had intended—and the door of witness opportunity closed—bam. To conclude our conversation, I mentioned if he ever came to Ark City, I’d hope to meet him face to face someday. I think he said that’d be good—I don’t quite remember. But through this incredible opportunity it was certainly clear; God had placed me in a position to share, if just a little, about my faith. And God was not finished with “E”.

All of this isn’t coincidence. And it certainly isn’t any of my doing. God didn’t ask me to give up co-leading a women’s bible study that I dearly loved—then immediately answer my prayer to attend another and be asked to pray for a man’s salvation and healing I’d never met—end up having the same type of cancer as this man I’d been praying for, for months—and have the chance to visit with this stranger—plant a seed about God and my faith, for nothing. Not a chance!

Up to this point, I couldn’t understand why God would allow cancer in my life. But if it was for the single purpose of a lost soul to hear about what faith can do—a man that God loves so deeply, He would go to great lengths to draw him to Himself in a personal relationship…and I just happen to be a minuscule speck of God’s divine drawing plan, then so be it! None of this would’ve ever happened if I hadn’t been willing to give up helping with the ladies bible study first—none of it! And God knew that. He drew me to Himself, presented the opportunity and waited for me at the crossroads to be obedient. It was all about the relationship.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. –Jeremiah 31:3

If I have ever experienced the hand of God drawing me on a specific path, it has certainly been through this remarkable journey. Those little promptings…nudges…gentle whispers? That’s Him drawing—and waiting—and drawing and waiting. For the sole purpose of us to experience that unfailing, perfect relationship with Him. Oh, how He loves us so. Lord Jesus, draw me close.

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 5

This week should've been my "bounce back" week, but the stomach flu grabbed me a couple days. Although it was a bit discouraging, I was pleased to have been able to work 2 half days this week. It was refreshing to get out and do something...and see people! Yeah!

Monday I begin my final full round of chemo. I can't tell you how blessed I have been by all the positive comments and prayers lifted to the throne on my behalf. God is surely in my midst and as always, I covet your prayers. You are a faithful people.

(If you haven't read any of my earlier posts, the following may not make much sense. Feel free to "click" on the links to the right to update or refresh yourself as you continue with me on my journey.)

Coincidence: Something that happens by chance in a surprising or remarkable way.
This part of my journey happened by chance? No.
Surprising and remarkable? Absolutely!

When I emailed the details of the cancer to my Friday bible study friend, “T”, she immediately contacted me. Come to find out, her relative, “E”—the one we were praying for during our Friday bible study time—had the exact type of cancer as me. “T” and I had never talked about the official medical term before, and she even called “E” to verify the correct name. “T” and I were astonished. All of these months I’d been earnestly praying for a man I had never met—and now I have the same cancer. This was so surreal to me. I didn’t know what God’s plan was, but I was pretty sure whatever it was, I was going to be part of it.

In talking with her relative, “T” mentioned me and our similar circumstances. “E” told her if I ever wanted to visit with him on the phone about his treatment (he was receiving special radiation treatments in a facility out of state), he would be happy to talk with me. Knowing he was not a believer and adamantly against anything God related, I knew without a doubt God had to be up to something. I began to pray—just a little bit (just keeping it real here) about how or if God wanted me to proceed. And then I quickly tucked my unanswered prayer and his phone number away—not thinking much about it for awhile.

The days quickly passed, and the Monday before my surgery, God tugged at my heart once again. It’s time, He said. Your surgery is in 2 days—you may not be able to talk for awhile afterwards. It’s time to call “E”—call him tonight. Of what little I knew of “E”, I did know he was extremely resistant to anything spiritual or God-centered, so once again, I began to pray. If God really wanted me to call him, I didn’t want it to be just a social call. This was serious stuff—eternal stuff—and it had to be bathed in prayer and by divine appointment only. So that Monday evening, with my Evangelism Explosion tract in hand and bible by my side, I prayed for God’s wisdom as I nervously punched in his number.

Then Moses said to the LORD, “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue. –Exodus 4:9-11

Throughout this journey, I’ve tried not to question God. But this incident had me completely baffled. I was not one that easily shared my faith…yes, I have all the right “equipment”, but sadly it had not been intentionally used in a long time. I wanted to pull the “slow of speech” Moses card and wave it at God, begging for a more suitable substitute. But ultimately, I knew this journey was a relationship issue, and not just for “E”, but for me, as well. And of course God knew that—because He is God.

To be continued…

Dear Jesus...

Mom has been experiencing a lot of nausea since Wednesday. As I took her to her treatment in Winfield, I could see the discomfort in Mom’s face. The feelings of wanting to help but not being able to “fix” it make my heart ache. If only I had an “easy” button! My only defense against her nausea is prayer. I sat there in the clinic half-halfheartedly reading a book until I noticed I had been reading the same sentence over and over again. Needless to say, I wasn't very focused :-)

I eventually put down the book and began praying, but all I could manage to say in my heart was “Dear Jesus... Dear Jesus...”

 

I grew up in church. I've been around “church lingo”. When push comes to shove, I can gather up all my Christianese and pray a rather eloquent prayer- if I want to. Fortunately, our Father in Heaven could care less about fancy words. He cares about the heart. It sure is a good thing because “Dear Jesus... Dear Jesus” doesn't cut it in the eloquence department! The amazing thing is, my Jesus knows my heart. He knows every burden I carry. The creator of this entire universe can hear “Dear Jesus” and wrap his loving arms around me and comfort me. Romans 8:26 says,

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans

 

 

In my groans, God answered my prayers. He put on your hearts to pray for Mom. For me. Two words. Dear Jesus. He knew what was needed and you, Mom’s faithful prayer warriors listened to God’s prompting. Can you see the reason for my tears now? :-) I am blessed beyond measure.

 

Thank you for reading my first attempt at blogging- I’m praying (or should I say wordlessly groaning?) Mom will feel up writing again very soon! In the meantime, I humbly ask for a few specific things to add to your prayer list. Mom’s nausea- Please pray she will be able to keep food and fluids down so she can keep up her strength. Mom has tried eating but hasn't been able to keep anything down. They had to give her extra fluids today and will again tomorrow because they don’t want to risk dehydration. I also ask that you pray for the wonderful nurses that care for Mom and so many others that are receiving treatment. They are wonderful ladies and I pray they are able to figure out how to control the nausea! She is taking her anti-nausea medicine on a more consistent basis now. Hopefully it will get in her system quickly and calm her stomach so she can eat and drink. One last thing, please keep my Grandma Shirley in your prayers. Many of you know my Grandmother and if you don’t, you are missing out! I know I feel helpless sometimes- I can only imagine how it would be to watch your child go through this. She is getting, in her own words, “quite an education” through all of this and my heart hurts that she has to at all! I must say she’s one tough cookie, though! Ask her about liver. I dare you :-)

 

We will update you soon on Mom’s progress. Week one is almost through! God is so good. ALL the time.

Lindsay

This New Thing

Wow, what a journey I am on right now! If you are new to "me" and have not heard my story, then pull up a chair and a big glass of iced tea. This may take a while...or at least several posts.

Since my cancer diagnosis in 2012, I have been overwhelmed by wonderful people like you, telling me they have been praying for me. With the prompting of a dear friend, I recently sent out a Facebook / Email plea asking for serious prayer warriors who would be willing to pray for me -- specifically during cancer treatments, doctor appointments, or just rough days in general. Honestly, I was not expecting the massive response I received. It literally took days to soak in all the incredibly encouraging comments. And let's just say, there may have been a soaked Kleenex or two as I responded to each one with gratefulness.

This cancer thing is new to me. Not knowing what lies ahead in the days to come, and to simplify updating my prayer warriors, I was encouraged to begin a blog at the prodding of my daughter, Lindsay. I never imagined I would be a "blogger" of sorts, or have anything in particular that people would be interested in reading. I had written a few life events off the cuff now and then--but only on a whim or the occasional melancholy day. So after some serious prayer time...God began to reveal a bigger purpose for this blog and how He could use my testimony for His glory. That is so like God. I was reminded, as I am many times, it's not about me. And it's not about cancer. It's about a right relationship with the Lord.

Through this blog, I hope you will journey with me as I share how, just in these last few years, God has worked in my life. I will share my "hindsight" of seeing the hand of God weaving in my life, preparing me for this specific journey that I'm going through right now, and how He continues to show Himself -- Faithful and True. It's pretty incredible, actually. I will also be posting updates and prayer requests...and an occasional "silly" now and then.

Please know that your kind words continue to be an encouragement to me, and I am humbly honored by your fervent prayers in His name.
Jacque

The Journey - Part 4

This week brought out a side of me that I don’t handle well: Uncontrolled emotion. I found myself several times weeping and saying to God, “I think you chose the wrong person here, God. I’m weak. I don’t have the strength to get through this. I hate being a burden. I stumble—I fail—I disappoint. It’s just too much!” And God, in the gentle calmness of his Spirit whispered, “My dear child, this season of life may be difficult at times, and most certainly you will not always embrace my ways. Even so, Jacque, I chose you. Not because you are strong. For if you were already strong, then how would my glory be revealed? Lean into me for strength and continue to tell them. Tell them of the faithfulness of our relationship, always reminding them of the great things I have done.” So once again, I wiped my eyes and leaned into Him for the promised strength. It came, just as He had promised. And the journey continues.

Cancer is not a respecter of persons. It can strip dignity, induce pain and will even try to forcefully separate the weak from the strong. But nothing can separate us from the love of God.

My return appointment couldn’t come soon enough. And within the week we found ourselves in the exam room once again. Without the usual small talk, he came right to the point, “It’s what I suspected. It’s cancer.” That dark, repulsive word that no one wanted to hear, but on that September fall day, it hit me head-on. Stage 2 Squamous Cell Carcinoma was the medical term – a form of skin cancer. At the moment, it didn’t mean anything to me – all I heard was that ugly word, cancer.

Oddly enough, I was in the lowest of the low percentile for this type of cancer. I didn’t smoke, drink, or chew. The doctor explained this type of cancer was predominant in more careless lifestyles and also in men—go figure. Even though the news was a devastating blow, complete peace surrounded me. I had prepared myself beforehand through prayer, along with my intercessors, to absorb the news clearly and to be able to consider all the options with grace. And it was so.

Basically I was given two options with the diagnosis: radiation treatment or surgery to remove the tumor and safe margins, which would include the removal of approximately 1/3 of my tongue. Along with surgery option, a neck dissection would also be necessary removing some lymph nodes to check for spreading cancer cells. That was it. The doctor was blatantly honest. He cautioned that if I chose radiation treatment, the oral cavity was one of the worst areas to treat, wreaking havoc in the mouth. While surgery to remove the tumor was his preferred option, ultimately it was our decision. I argued that we were mid-stream into planning my daughter’s wedding that would be in 6 weeks and wanted to consider waiting until afterwards. He cautioned not waiting; it was cancer and aggressive—time was of the essence. We left his office saying we needed time to pray and talk with our family and would call with our decision soon. I immediately contacted my family and updated my prayer partners of our devastating news. After much prayer and consideration, that night we decided surgery was the best option—the sooner the better. I called to schedule my appointment the next day. Because it would require two surgeons to perform a partial glossectomy and neck dissection, the earliest surgery date available was October 17—a wait of almost three weeks. Waiting was the hardest. It consumed my thoughts and weathered my confidence, but God's unwavering compassion continued to embrace me in the storm.

But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. –Isaiah 40:31

Teach me Lord, to wait on You. I yearn for Your renewed strength. You are my Everything as I wait and lean into You.

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 3

It seems I’ve asked God for a lot this week. Strength to overcome nausea, desperately pleading to be able to drink one more sip of water when I didn’t think I could, or down another blasted can of nutrition drink. Even with a feeding tube it can be difficult. Inwardly overwhelmed by my second round of treatment, the blessed reprieve arrived. Once again I finally found the strength to turn toward His face and thank Him for another week complete, and another opportunity to give Him the glory. I hope you’ve experienced a portion of His goodness this week as much as I have.

God’s sovereignty: Sometimes there is no other apparent explanation, except that God chooses to do so for the glory of His Son, simply because He is God.

For years, I had been plagued with reoccurring sores on my tongue, chalking it up to hormones, stress-related flare ups, etc. Aside from having to limit my spicy food cravings periodically, I’d handled the menaces fairly well. It was one of those things I just learned to live with. It was in the early fall of 2012, when I began to notice some swelling on the right side of my tongue. Another sore had formed and was persistently irritated, making it difficult to chew and swallow food easily. So when my family doctor suggested I see an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, there was some concern. An appointment was quickly made and in the days following, the hubby and I made the hour drive to Wichita.

Entering the doctor’s office, we were greeted with the familiar insurance paperwork procedures, and shortly thereafter were led by the nurse to the exam room. It didn’t take long for the doctor to arrive, and after casual introductions he began the exam. After a few moments, he calmly stated, “I don’t like what I’m seeing. I’d like to do a biopsy.”  “Right now?” I asked anxiously. “Yes.” He replied. At this point, I began to get nervous. I had been through two non-conclusive biopsy procedures in the past and didn’t like the thought of having another. Even though the first one was over 20 years ago, it remained fresh in my memory as being traumatic and extremely painful. As my eyes began to fill with tears, the doctor gently patted my shoulder and assured me the procedure would be quick and simple. From the numbing shot to the clip of needed tissue, it took 3 minutes tops- quick and painless. Before I knew it, I was on my feet and had scheduled a return visit for the awaited test results.

As we left the office and walked silently to the car, my emotions began to swell. I suddenly felt like a ton of bricks had been dumped on me. “I…I don’t want to do this.” I choked. My husband, Robert, instantly put his arm around me and whispered with emotion, “It’ll be okay, we’re in this together.” In my clouded state, I suddenly realized how deeply this was affecting him, as well. As we sat in the car to leave, tears flowed. It was then I felt his hand gently wrap around mine, and he prayed.

The old song “His Eye is on the Sparrow” is one of my favorites.

When Jesus is my portion
My constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7

What comfort, what peace. As God’s eye peers on the sparrow, my constant Friend seeks us out intentionally…because the God of the universe absolutely adores you and me.

To be continued…