Even before my cancer diagnosis in 2012, God began to lead me on an amazing journey; I just didn’t know it yet. I’d been praying for a long time about what God wanted of me. Most recently, I’d just gotten through a huge medical cancer milestone when I found myself asking, “Okay, God, you brought me through this…so now what? What am I supposed to do with this…and honestly, God, what was the purpose?” I just didn’t get it. So I began to write some things down. Some of it didn’t make much sense, but honestly, I just wrote what came to mind. When I felt I had finally captured some “inspirations”, I sensed God saying, You’re a slow learner, Jacque. What did I teach you about relationships— just recently? I sighed. And then I prayed for direction, once again.
It wasn’t long before the floodgates of revelation opened. I found myself eagerly pouring out a timeline of not only how God walked with me during this journey, but how it finally revealed purpose—God’s purpose.
This blog was created to share prayer requests and medical updates during my walk with cancer—but God has shown me a deeper purpose in my journey. Because of this important revelation, my future blogs will contain portions of my personal testimony. Writing down my testimony hopefully will reveal growth in my relationship with God and how He continues to change my life. I hope the things God has given me to share will make a difference and encourage you in your walk with the Lord as well.
God’s revealed purpose: It’s all about a right relationship with God.
I was busy. But it was a good busy. I was involved in church ministries…things I thoroughly enjoyed and frankly, it felt good, like “really using your spiritual gifts” sort of good. Things were…comfortable. And of course, that’s exactly when God began to tug at my heart. You know, when you feel those little nudges that don’t go away? Only this “little nudge” didn’t seem quite so small. God began stirring in me to give up some things in my life, things that I considered dear.
One of my loves was helping my friend, “K”, co-facilitate a ladies bible study. The other love near and dear, was singing in the church praise team on Sunday mornings. I can’t exactly put into words how, but oddly, God was telling me to let these go…to give them up…my loves! The prodding was real but it made absolutely no sense to me.
Actually, I’m embarrassed to admit how difficult I struggled with this. First of all, I kind of did the whole “dig my heels in” thing, because quite honestly, I really didn’t want to give up what I thought was my “spiritual gift stuff.” I rationalized that my bible study buddy needed my help. “K” and I were a God-breathed team! Ladies were growing in the Lord, prayer time was sweet, and it all seemed to work so well. Surely this was where God wanted me to be? And give up the praise band, God?... Music was my God-given talent for goodness sake. You’ve got to be kidding. As far back as I can remember music has been a part of my life; if I couldn’t sing, then what? And now God was asking me to give these things up...my loves.
Call it intuition, past experience, or a “duh” moment—I knew enough about “God struggles” who would ultimately triumph in the end, so I finally complied. I talked to my friend “K” and the music pastor about my decisions and obediently bowed out of my commitments.
Spending time with God and in His Word was important to me. After losing the wrestling match, I prayed, “God, I know I’m obeying You in giving up the commitment to the ladies’ study, but I don’t want to sacrifice time studying your Word. I’m truly okay with letting this go, but please provide something spiritual for me. And as much as I love singing, I realize I had let music define who I am, not who I am in Christ. So please take away the desire to sing in a leadership role and let Christ be the center of my praise as I participate congregationally in worship.”—and pretty much left it at that.
I’m in a love relationship. It’s with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Sometimes God will ask us to do things we don’t understand, but if we profess to truly love and trust Him, we have no excuse but to obey. It’s all about the relationship, and trust me, it’s worth it.
“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.” 2 John 1:6
To be continued…
