The Journey - Part 20

A lot of good has happened this week!

• I am consistently eating real food! It may be just a few tablespoonfuls a day, but it’s increasing, along with increased energy. My salty taste buds are returning, and I can sense a bit of sweet periodically. Mouth sores and sensitivity continue to be a battle, so I am limited on what I can eat, but it’s a start!
• I am completely off my medications! Pain, nausea, acid, and sleeping pills. My sleep habits are still a little out of whack, but whenever I wake up it’s a good reminder to pray. Many of you have been prayed for at 3 a.m. between sips of “Sleepy Time” tea.
• I was able to attend church service this morning. I have missed my amazing church family and worshipping with them. It felt good to be home!
• I plan to ease back into my job this week part-time. It’s time. I’m ready.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers. As always, I am ever grateful.

Back to His Purpose

I hope you remember my friend “E” I mentioned in some earlier posts. I hadn’t heard from him in quite some time and out of the blue, “E” texted my friend “T” asking about me. This might not seem too significant except that he had never initiated contact with my friend “T”—it had always been her contacting him first. So this was huge that he would contact her…and specifically ask about me. It wasn’t surprising that for several days God kept putting “E’s” name on my heart. So after his hearing of his text, I knew it was time to contact him. Once again I prayed for direction and discernment.

Because of mouth sores, forming certain words is still a battle, so I decided to text “E”. God gave me the exact words to say, and within five minutes I had a welcoming response from him! I am positive that God desperately desires a relationship with “E”—this man that openly rejects the cross and the gift of salvation. Even in his lost state, clearly, God still adores him.

I know I shouldn’t be surprised at what God is doing, but seeing His hand in all of this is simply amazing to me. And I am extremely humbled to be a part of God’s plan. I covet your prayers as God leads me to boldly minister Christ.

But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. –2 Corinthians 2:14

The Journey - Part 19

Giving Thanks!

Thanksgiving has come and gone, but I have much to be thankful for:

• My neck burns from the radiation have made significant progress in healing.
• I’ve been able to eat some “real food” this week, i.e., vegetable soup—only a couple of tablespoonfuls, but I’ll take it. I was so excited to achieve eating, that I popped an M&M in my mouth to celebrate and instantly got a bitter cocoa taste. An abrupt reminder that my sweet taste buds are nil. Baby steps.
• Along with healing on my neck, swallowing has become easier so I know internally the healing is taking place, as well. Yay!
• Energy levels are increasing and medications are decreasing. Down to one nap a day!
• My hair is growing back! I’ve been pondering the question “When is the right time to stop coloring your hair?” (Confession time: Yup, I do.) The time in NOW! So unless some of my natural auburn decides to make an appearance anytime soon, the next time you see my head it will be sporting the ever so popular “salt and pepper” look. It’s growing fast. Not to brag, but you should see my leg hair.
• I’m excited and thankful to be able to attend our annual Hanging of the Greens service tonight at church—one of my favorite services. I haven’t been able to go to church in weeks so this will be quite the treat! 

God continues to be gracious and His blessings never cease. I pray that in the midst of our beautiful relationship with Him we will always acknowledge and embrace His goodness. God is good, all the time. Happy Giving Thanks!

The Journey - Part 18

Thank you for your wonderful prayers this week. My neck is still in healing mode, but doing much better. I’ve had several good days and am certain it is because of all my faithful praying friends. My next goal is to begin eating by mouth—yogurt is on the Thanksgiving menu this week. With a swollen throat, it is still very difficult to swallow, so I appreciate your prayers as I attempt to move forward. This will thrill my mom to pieces as she is certain I am not eating enough to keep a bird alive. I assure her I am…but you know how moms are. She has given up on me eating liver, but has replaced that with the magical healing power of spinach juice. I don’t know where she gets these ideas…pray for me. Ha-Ha.

Special Friendships and Special Reminders

I had a wonderful visit from a dear friend recently. She ministered to me in a way I didn’t even know I needed. In her tears, she kept telling me how strong I was throughout my cancer journey. All I could reply was, “It’s not me. I am not a strong person. You are seeing someone that has no strength—God is carrying me. It’s ALL God.”

Now before you think I’m some goody-goody God glorifier, let me be the first to spill the beans. Sometimes in my humanness my thoughts can quickly turn inward and selfish. I can easily rationalize that I’m a good person, and struggle with questions like “Why doesn’t cancer happen to mass-murderers, godless people, etc.?” (It does, but this is my feeble brain talking here.)

And you know what God says? My Almighty God who sits on the throne of eternity hears my troubled cries and gently whispers, “Jacque, I chose you because I knew you would glorify me through all of this.”

In His soothing whisper, my Heavenly Father once again tenderly drew me to Himself reminding me why I am here on earth: To glorify Him. Period.

Thank you, God, for special friendships and relationships. Thank you for your strength when mine fails. Thank you for journeys that glorify You.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 17

Moving Forward

November 2013

When doing a load of laundry recently (which is a rarity for me at the moment), I noticed most of the clothing consisted of my pajamas. That gives you a glimpse of my fashion sense these days. Actually, I did get dressed to go to my treatments each morning, but would quickly fall back into my comfy pjs when I got home. Extreme exhaustion has overtaken me like the plague. I struggle with feeling like a helpless lazy lug, desperately wanting to do something—other than lay in bed for hours at a time—and coming to grips that it’s just another part of the journey. Patience…it’s hard some days. But God in His ever-present gentleness continues to draw me to Himself and reminds me to wait on Him.

Radiation treatments continued on as scheduled and the doctors had nothing but praise for my positive attitude and progress. I counted down the days, along with many of you on Facebook, and surprisingly they seemed to clip right along. My final treatment was celebrated on November 13—you can bet I have that highlighted on my calendar!

The doctors and nurses cautioned me not to get too excited too soon, as I’ll have to allow for healing time…possibly up to a couple of months. The goal is to begin eating soft foods by mouth within a couple of weeks. I’m hoping my taste buds will kick in, as well, as I’ve been promised some delicious guacamole from my good friend, Kelly, and I certainly don’t want the taste of bitter cardboard getting in the way of one of my favorite foods. (My mom, Dr. Shirley, is ready to stuff a turkey leg down my tube and can’t wait for the day she can feed me again—eek!) When I get to the point of eating full solid meals, I will finally get my feeding tube removed. I have been looking forward to that day for a long time—hey, I’m a stomach sleeper! For those of you who find their sleeping comfort in a similar position, you sympathize with me, I’m sure.

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.” Psalm 3:5

If I could ask one prayer request from my warriors this week it would be for healing of the burns on my neck from the radiation/chemo treatments. It began as acne-like blisters and now, although better, is still an annoyance. Each morning and evening, as directed by my doctor, I gently exfoliate my skin, which burns like crazy, and apply cool damp rags followed with a thin layer of Vaseline. (Thank you, Marshall!) It has helped, but is still very painful as my new skin is tight, making if difficult to move freely. I know it’s just another part of the process and will take patience on my part. Thank you so much for your prayers! You are a blessing in so many ways.

The Journey - Part 16

Complaining Much?

October 2013

Week one of radiation went without a hitch. It was midway into week two when I began to experience some changes. My mouth and gums began to get tender, making it difficult to eat solid foods. My diet quickly changed to softer choices—pastas, soups and such. I also began to notice my appetite decreasing because my taste buds were pretty much gone. Everything began to taste like bitter cardboard—that’s the closest thing I can compare it to. Food sounded and looked good, but the thought of putting it in my mouth instantly took away any appetite I may have had. By week three I found myself totally reliant on my feeding tube.

It’s not as bad as it sounds. Eating is a cinch—and since I literally have no appetite, I don’t taste anything going in. And I get the nutrition needed. Because of increased mouth sores and an intense sore throat with swelling, the only thing I drink is water—and that can be difficult at times. My doctors make me promise to swallow at least seven times a day so I don’t lose my swallowing muscle function. Who knew that could happen?—But I guess it can. So I force myself to sip water throughout the day. Anything other than water burns like the dickens. I found that out by accident earlier in the game by sipping on an orange soda—whoa, Nellie, did it ever burn! So for now, this gal is strictly on plain water. I’ve also lost my saliva production, so dry mouth is also an added challenge.

Oh, and did I forget to mention the return of acne? It began on my face for a few days and then miraculously disappeared as fast as it came. A few days later, I awoke with a mass of intense acne blisters surrounding my upper chest/neck—front and back—burning and itching like crazy. It’s lovely. I can thank my chemo drug for that. My new best friend is cortisone…not that it helps much…but it’s what the doctor ordered. Oh the joys. I really have to laugh—or cry—I think I’ve done both. Yup, pretty much.

So…mouth sores, sore throat, feeding tube, acne, dry mouth, dry skin…does it sound like I’m complaining? I’m trying not to—just keeping it real. God has complete control of this journey of mine. I’m just the messenger sharing with all of you how my God of relationships continues to carry me. He really is. I truly have much to be thankful for.

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who sustains you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.  –Isaiah 46:4

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 15

As I was driving to one of my radiation treatments last week, I felt compelled to share something God brought to my mind.

In the book of Acts, Stephen (a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit, specifically chosen by the disciples to minister to the neglected widows) boldly spoke truth to his enemies, the Sanhedrin, as they were about to stone him to death.

“When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God.” Acts 7:54-55

I had always overlooked one small, but very powerful word in this scripture. It was brought to my attention from a previous bible study I had done several years ago. The word is “standing.” I had always pictured Jesus sitting at the right hand of God, but in this instance, He was standing. As Stephen was preparing to meet his death, he looked expectantly to the heavens. And maybe as his eyes met the compassionate eyes of Jesus, it was possible at that very moment Compassion slowly stood with a burning stance--His eyes never leaving the draw of Stephen's. I can envision Jesus intently leaning into the side of God pleading, “Father, let me go and fight for him! Just say the word!”

I’d like to think that as my Jesus of compassion looks down from heaven, He still stands passionately by God’s right hand and pleads for me during my difficult times saying, “Father, let me go and fight for her! Just say the word!”

God does say the word—and has many times.

He said “Go” to many of you when I could barely get dressed each morning and needed help getting to my chemo treatments each week.

He said “Go” to my church family when meals were lovingly planned and brought to our home each week.

He said “Go” and friends would gather in our home to pray over me during difficult parts of my journey.

He said “Go” and I would receive an encouraging card in the mail, a special text, Facebook message or phone call that gave me hope to carry on.

All God had to say was “Go” and many of you were ready and willing to fight, pray and go. You are a huge part of my testimony and I am forever grateful.

I am counting down the days of my radiation treatments—as are many of you, as I’ve noticed your wonderful support on Facebook (you crazy, awesome friends). As of today, I have endured 28 prayerful days of radiation with only 7 remaining! It has gone fast—honestly! I can only attribute it to being bathed in prayer by you, my faithful prayer warriors.

So with that said, let me continue on and catch you up on my journey.

Radiation—The Next Step

September 2013

Nothing can really prepare you for the unknown—totally. I read books, asked questions, and studied brochures until quite honestly, I didn’t want to hear all the horror stories of what “could happen” any longer. I decided this was going to be another “one day at a time” journeys in faith—as it should be.

In a previous post I shared about my radiation mask experience and how I wasn’t prepared for the claustrophobic shock it gave me. I quickly realized it was important to gather a game plan and decided to commit the 20 minutes of radiation to prayer time. It’s actually quite peaceful. There are some days I don’t get through my “prayer list” and wish I had an extra 10 minutes or so on the radiation altar. But that doesn’t limit my prayer time with God. I am constantly talking to Him about many of you.

Unlike chemotherapy, the radiation process does not make me nauseous. Even though I have a chemo treatment every Wednesday during the radiation schedule, it is a different drug, and much more forgiving—thank you, Jesus! By now, my appetite has increased to normal and I eat pretty much what I’m hungry for. The plan is to “beef up”—as my doctors have promised much change is coming down the road.

“Father, let me go and fight for her! Just say the word!”

To be continued…

The Journey - Part 14

This past week I gave up my day job for awhile. It was a difficult decision for several reasons: It gave me a reason to get dressed every day. It allowed me to be around people that I love seeing. And it kept me active, thinking about others instead of myself. Cancer can be quite self-absorbing if you let it. And I have at times. Through the process of radiation, I get tired a lot easier and I think God was saying “Take care of yourself.” So please excuse me in the FBC office for a season as I do just so. J

Stick a Fork in It…I’m Done!

August 2013

I’m happy to report I have completed my official full nine week round of chemotherapy! Just when I thought I’d get a trophy, or something worthy of bragging rights, the medical team reminded me of the second part of the process. “You get a hiatus of about a month, then gear up for round 2: Seven weeks of Radiation with Chemo.” Oh joy.

I can honestly say this journey of cancer has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Just when I would throw in the towel (believe me I did, more times than I care to admit), God, in His infinite mercy would prompt some amazing person to send me a text, email or card in the mail for encouragement. I can’t tell you how many times I bawled like a baby reading a comforting scripture, listening to the perfect song or receiving some inspiration from friends like you to lift my spirits. How people go through something like this without the power of praying people is beyond me. God has permanently etched more compassion in my heart, and I’ve already had opportunities to express empathy toward others.

It truly is all about relationships.

To be continued…